Episode 3: Zen, or the Skill to Catch a Killer (Too Dreamy)

Yesterday I watched this episode but couldn't write an entry, since it was the first one with a scene that sort of freaks me out. Sure, the first appearance of Bob last episode was alarming, but we don't yet know why we have to be afraid of him. This episode's dream sequence at the end didn't scare me the first time around, but now that I've seen the entire series, that room with those red drapes will forever make me shiver. But more on that later.


This episode opens on the Horne family eating a lovely, completely silent and awkward dinner at a very long table. They're all obvoiusly trying not to be upset by Audrey's mentally-challenged brother, who hasn't been quite the same since Laura, his tutor, died. When I say all, I mean all but Ben who I don't think at this point cares whether his family lives or dies.

Enter the poor man's Michael Douglas, Jerry Horne, Ben's manic brother. (Ben and Jerry, get it? Get it?) Back from Paris! He comes bearing gifts - the best damn sandwiches he's ever eaten, a baguette with butter and brie, and damnit, do I want a sandwich right now. Only Ben is happy to see his brother, the rest of the family sit and pray he'll just disappear. Ben and Jerry trade pleasantries while they eat the sandwiches in the absolute most obnoxious way ever, and then head out for a talk about the investors leaving, Laura dying, and, most importantly, a new girl at One-Eyed Jacks.


What's One-Eyed Jacks? It's a casino and brothel on an island just on the Canadian side of the border. Ben and Jerry take a boat to the island and step inside, where they are greeted by a bunch of looovely laaadies. Ben quotes Shakespeare at the matron of the lot, Blacky (...) for a little while, but Jerry has him shut the hell up, because he is impatient to get. it. on. Except Ben gets the new girl (who finds it difficult to hide her disgust) first, which is thoroughly upsetting to Jerry. That's the luck of the draw. Cooper finds out about One-Eyed Jacks after getting a sweet-smelling note under his door which says nothing but "Jack with One Eye." After hearing what the place is from the Sheriff, he makes it a priority to check it out. Wouldn't you?

Enough of that. Now let's check out the super-intelligent duo, Bobby and Mike. They drive off into the woods at night, Mike with a switch blade, to get a football, in a tree, that contains cocaine. They are intercepted by Leo, armed with a flashlight, a gun, and a mysterious crony, who makes some threats. There isn't enough cocaine, but there isn't enough money either, and Leo needs a new pair of shoes. His are all muddy and bloody, after all. Leo subtly implies that he knew Laura in some sort of wild, perhaps slightly kinky way, but moves on to his troubles, about his good-for-nothing wife who is soiling his bed with another man's semen while he's away on the road for days. Bobby asks if Leo knows who this other guy is in the most weasily and obvious way, but Leo's a bit of a dolt (remember, chest of drawers, bloody shirt) and doesn't catch it. Bobby and Mike scurry away, and that's enough of that tomfoolery. Or so we think. Because then Bobby, World's Smartest Guy, goes to see Shelly to step out with her some more. He then makes idle threats about killing Leo for causing the huge bruises on Shelly's face. The idlest of threats in the history of mankind.

Doughnut Feast No. 3 takes place outside, so Cooper can put on a little show for the gang, featuring a chalkboard, a bucket of rocks, and a bottle on a tree stump.
What is the explanation this time for one of Cooper's zaaaaany plans? Well, first let's talk about Tibet. .. Nah, you don't need to know. The point is, he has some pretty scrummy dreams, and now he can use some weird technique having to do with mind-body coordination something something something. So, the plan? Hawk's going to hold the magic bucket (while wearing kitten mittons - I mean, kitchen mittens), Truman's going to read the names on the chalkboard, Andy's going to stand next to the bottle on the stump and look at things, and Lucy's going to check off names on the chalkboard as Cooper throws the rocks at the bottle. What does this prove apart from Cooper having mostly shitty aim? The names are all names that have the letter J in them, and Cooper wants to find out which of these Js is the J Laura was nervous about meeting the night she died. Whichever name the stone hits the bottle on is the source of said nerves.
Names:
James Hurley
Josie Packard
Dr. Lawrence Jacoby
Johnny Horne
Norma Jennings
Shelly Johnson
Leo Johnson

The rock knocked the bottle off the stump on Jacoby, but the bottle shatters on Leo Johnson. Cooper, you rigging the system? Now I'm wondering, how will they justify questioning Leo Johnson? Yes, you see, Leo, we're going to have to bring you down to the station, because a bottle shattered when I threw a rock at it.

The infamous Albert Rosenfield (R-O-S-E-N-F-I-E-L-D) comes into the station and commands control. He's a bastard, "lacking in social niceties." I love him. Sheriff Truman isn't a fan, and he tells Albert so in no uncertain terms. Albert scowls and leaves the station with his sunglasses-wearing minions.

Back at the Martell homestead, Pete and Catherine share some loving remarks ("Get your boots off my bed and go to your room!") and Pete steals a key from Catherine's bedside vase to give to Josie to get a ledger. This ledger means something important. There are two of them. I guess one is a fake? I don't know, whatever.

Let's check in on the weeping crazies. Leland decides that he doesn't want his wife to be the only one to flip out more than socially acceptable, and dances around his living room to Glenn Miller at full volume (Is there any other way to listen to Glenn Miller?) with a picture of Laura. All the while screaming. You know he's gone too far, because even his clinically insane wife thinks it's gone a bit far. They accidentally smash the frame of the picture, Leland cuts his hand, and, perhaps the creepiest thing we've seen so far, he rubs the blood all over the picture. Not to be outdone, the wife starts screaming herself. They're not taking their daughter's death badly at all.


And now time to freak the hell out. AGHHHHHHH I CAN'T TAKE IT SOMEONE ELSE WRITE ABOUT THIS PART PLEASE! No takers? Fine fine fine. The dream. Cooper's dream. In abstract terms.

"Through the darkness of future past
The magician longs to see,
One chants out between two worlds,
'Fire, walk with me.'"

Said the One-Armed Man. We see flashes of a red room with that midget (politically incorrect!) from Carnivale having an epileptic fit, and a flash of Bob again, then this one-armed fellow starts his creepy as hell monologue. He, "we," lived among the people, above a convenient store. "I, too, have been touched by the devilish one." He had/has a tattoo on his left shoulder, but he took his arm off. I guess that's an explanation for that. His name is Mike. His name is Bob. And now we see Bob, calling out for Mike. Bob caught Mike with his "death bag." You may think he's gone insane, but he promises he will kill again. Then there's a circle of candles, they get blown out.

Cooper's dream turns back the the room with the crazy midget guy. Cooper is sitting in a chair; he is older. On a chair next to him is Laura Palmer; she is smiling at him. The midget calms himself down and wants to rock. Presumably he just snorted some cocaine, which surely he got from Laura. As if to validate this theory, Laura taps her nose. A shadow moves across the room, but we don't know its source. The midget speaks backwards.. Sort of. He talks about weird things. Gum coming back in style. Laura's his cousin. She looks like Laura Palmer. Cooper thinks she is Laura Palmer. Laura says she thinks she knows Laura Palmer, but you know, her arms bend back, so that explains that. She has secrets. Pretty birds sing. Midget dances some more, he's got sweet moves. Laura whispers something in Cooper's ear.
Cooper wakes up suddenly, calls Truman, and informs him that he knows who killed Laura Palmer. We-heh-helll, we'll just see about that. He snaps his fingers, he has music in his heart. Audrey likes the music too.


Isn't it too dreamy?