The last episode of season 1 opens on a tropical scene. Palm trees, setting sun, the sound of the ocean.. Where could we be? Dr. Jacoby's tripped up office, of course, in which Donna and James are Nancy Drewin' it up, albeit fairly poorly. They waste time mulling over some paper umbrellas, and Donna presses buttons she has no reason to, causing a racket with the sound system. Hanging from a coat rack is a coconut, perhaps the same coconut Laura spoke of on the tape. Donna opens it and finds THE MISSING TAPE. They snatch it and leave on a James' now coke-infested motorcycle. Bobby gloats in the shadows.
Jacoby is at the gazebo where the Maddy/Sarah footage was filmed and sees Maddy, still wearing her awful wig for reasons we can only guess.. Que sentimental '90s music, then WHACK, to the back of the head, down goes Jacoby, attacked by a mystery person in black. As he is being beaten on the ground, he watches silently and helplessly as Maddy is picked up by James and Donna, leaving him alone in the woods. Lynch lingers in zoom-shot of Jacoby's eye for abotu 10 seconds more than we need.
Back at One-Eyed Jacks, Cooper is getting all kinds of lucky, beating the shit out of black jack with Jacques Renault as dealer, and getting propositioned by some sweet young thangs.
Evidentally not.
Cooper presents Jacques with the One-Eyed Jacks chip that Sarah bit through, says he's a friend of Leo's, and offers to buy him a cocktail. Cooper sets up his friend-of-Leo's backstory and pretends Leo told him about the night up at the cabin with Waldo and Laura. He gives Jacques a new job, for which he will get 10 thousand bucks in reward. The job is a secret for now, but Jacques is to meet Cooper in two hours on the U.S. side of the border. There, that's settled, but one more thing. What's with the chip? Well, if I told you, it'd destroy the magic. Brief sum-up: Waldo keeps pecking at Laura; Laura was tied up - she like that; Leo puts chip in Laura's mouth and says,
"Bite the bullet, baby."
Blacky's office, Audrey steps in, looking way stoned and wayyy hot in her new brothel get-up. Blacky informs her that the owner is coming by to look at the new girls. If Audrey only knew that her father was the owner.. (Why doesn't she know, anyway?) Audrey becomes the Queen of Diamonds.
We now visit with Shelley, who is washing her hair in the sink. Rule No. 1 in sink hair-washing: Don't get soap in your eyes while the husband you recently shot is hiding in the woods waiting for you to be vulnerable. Doesn't matter if you have a gun, you have soap in your eyes. You're just setting yourself up for all sorts of troubles, say like getting tied inside of a burning mill. Just a random example.
Okay, let's look at what I like to call Operation Red Herring, the reeling in of the Jacques plot. The whole gang go through the operation speaking strictly in fishing metaphors. "Hold the line, we'll set the hook" "He's downstream, he'll miss the catch, he'll be there when we grill him" and so on. Clearly they should've used dental analogies, though, since they were oral surgeons, I mean come on! "Yeah, you know the drill," "He's taking the wrong route down this canal," "Let's floss out this fat chunk of poutine!" You know, the usual.
The police are hiding around a road, waiting for Jacques to show to meet Cooper. Jacques pulls up, police come out and take him into custody. Jacques resists and tries to shoot Truman, but Andy guns the motherfucker down, as though Jacques were a big, fat French fish in a barrel. Daaaammmmn, Andy. Better call that ambulance.
At Donna's house, Donna, James, and Maddy (thankfully sans wig) convene once more to listen to the newest addition to their Laura to Jacoby tape collection. The tape settles in their mind that Jacoby is not the killer, but instead there is a mystery man in a red Corvette. Leo again? I don't know.. can Leo really light her F-I-R-E?
Well, I don't know if he can really light Laura's fire, but he can certainly light Shelley's. Yeah, he kind of kidnapped her and dragged her to the mill, gagged and tied her up, and put a bomb to set off in an hour near some gas tanks. In summation: If you're going to wash your hair when your blood thirsty husband is lurking in the woods, go to a friend's house!
Back at Big Ed's humble abode, Nadine takes loads of sleeping pills. Curtain manufacturers, that's on you.
Why was Hank at Josie's when Ben called previously? It seems like Josie hired Hank to kill her husband and go to jail for it! 90 grand. That's kind of interesting. Now why would you do that, Josie? Ohhh, I jest. I honestly do not care at. all. (Oh, a friend informed me that Isabella Roselina almost played the part of Josie! That would've made Josie's plot about a million times more interesting. Damned conflicting schedules.) Hank tries to pull some bullllllshit to get some more money than agreed upon, but Josie doesn't bite. He cuts her finger and his, and they bind their agreement in blood.
After all these months of hiatus, I still don't have patience to deal with Catherine and Pete's relationship. Catherine crashes into Pete's office and looks for the elusive ledger. When she can't find it, she sweet-talks Pete into giving her a helping hand. While the two are searching for the ledger, Hank gives Catherine a call and tells her it's in the mill. Catherine heads out with a gun.
Lucy is mighty impressed by Andy's show of masculinity with his damn fine shooting. They share a tender moment, only broken by.. Lucy's revelation that she is, of course pregnant. Andy responds not-so-well, and Lucy gets all grumpy. She gives some attitude to Bobby who is pretending to be Leo on the phone, until she is told that James is an "easy rider." Oh, ho ho, Bobby. In the background on the other line, Lucy hears the clock bell at Easter Park, where the gazebo is.
At the hospital Cooper and Truman interrogate the freshly shot Jacques. Jacques admits to having many fun times with Laura and Ronnette in the cabin, taking pictures for Flesh World )Laura's idea). The blood? That was on Leo's shirt? That was Jacques', from being hit with a whiskey bottle by Leo. Jacques passed out outside and knew nothing more of what happened that night with the girls.
If you were worried about Jacoby, breathe easy once more. He is in the hospital under the care of Donna's awesome dad. He had a heart attack, but he tells the doctor about Laura Palmer and the man who beat him up.
Cooper and Truman go back to the police station where Lucy tells them about the "Leo" at Easter Park, to where troops are then sent. Leland stumbles into the station and asks if Laura's killer has actually been found. Harry refuses to give any information, but Leland suspects the potential killer is at the hospital..
James pops up and asks to speak to Harry, but Cooper pulls him aside for himself. James hands over the tape, but Cooper fails to be impressed. From what Jacoby said of Laura, plus James' emurgence with the tape that is quite obviously Jacoby's, Cooper was able to put the pieces together and figure out James, Maddy, and Donna's Master Plan. To make matters worse, Bobby's easy rider call led Truman to find the cocaine in James' gas tank. Uh-oh...
At One-Eyed Jacks, the investors finally since the contract. Ben is a happy guy. To add to his happiness, he gets to give Hank the okay on the phone for the shooting of Leo Johnson. The shooting is witnessed by our good friend Bobby.
Time is ticking down for Shelley at the mill. Just in time, Catherine arrives. Before helping, Catherine bitches it up a little and interrogates Shelley, as though time is not of the essence. Once the fire starts, Catherine cuts Shelley down and they leg it. Do they make it? We don't know. The fire department comes, and Pete runs into the fire after them, but whether or not they make it... Don't know, check in next season.
Fire is on everyone's mind tonight. A Mystery Man sets the fire alarm in the hospital and marches into Jacques' room as the staff bolt. The man? Leland. What does he do? He kills Jacques in cold blood.
Audrey waits alone in her little brothel bedroom, waiting for the owner to enter, and to her horror, through the mirror she sees her father. Pure panic! He has yet to see her, but how can she hide? Don't know, check in next season.
After a long night's work, Cooper retires to his thankfully quiet hotel room at 4:37. On the floor he finds Audrey's note, but before he can read it, the phone rings. Before he can hear the message that Leo Johnson has been shot, there is a knock on the door. He answers it, assuming it is room service but it is not.
That is, unless he ordered three hard gunshots to the chest. How badly has be been wounded? Will he live? Don't know! Check in next season!
