Episode 6: Cooper's Dreams (or the Episode in Which Cooper Doesn't Actually Dream)

Did you miss The Great Northern last episode? I sure did. Audrey and Ben's shared scene was simply not enough. But this episode makes up for it.

It's nighttime in the small town. Icelanders are dancing and singing on the third floor of The Great Northern Hotel. It's 3 a.m. A Federal Agent tosses and turns. He pulls out a small, black tape recorder and begins to speak..

Cooper has lost almost 100% of his ability to control his environment and is angered. He asks Diane to mail him some earplugs, overnight delivery, so he can sleep in peace. (But when is she going to receive the tape in the mail?) In the morning, the Icelanders are still full of vim and singing. Cooper is, as he tells Audrey, tired and a little on edge. He's all business and hardly has a chance to flirt with Audrey. Oh, but wait, what's this? "How old are you, Audrey?" 18! SCORE. It's legal, Coop, have at it! "I'll see YOU later, Audrey," he softly says, and off he jaunts.

Michael "Jerry" Douglas is back! He brought the Icelanders with him, and he's IN LOVE. Her name is Heppa. She's a giant Snow Queen with a smile like a sunrise on an iceflow. You could go blind looking at her. And, most most most importantly, she gave him a leg of lamb. Love! At its finest. Ben doesn't care, as long as he gets those Icelanders to invest. And a sure deal to have them invest is to take them up to...

You know where.

Ben's worst nightmare, a weeping Leland Palmer, staggers in, and Ben panics. The Icelanders must be prevented from seeing and, most especially, hearing Leland. Ben urges Leland to take time off, to take his wife somewhere, anywhere! but Jesus Christ, not at The Great Northern! Except Leland is afraid to. Why are you afraid, Leland? Why are you afraid.

The police continue their (warrantless?) search on Renault's appartment, and are joined by the doctor. I don't know why the doctor's there, but he's awesome, so I'll take it. It is determined that the blood on Leo's shirt is AB-, which is not Laura's type. The plot thickens.. Who could it be?! (It's Jacques Renault's.) Cooper finds a copy of Flesh World sticking to the ceiling, and I don't want to know how it got up there. With some fancy thinking, Cooper determines that Jacques is the creator of this heck of a page-turner, and surely Leo is involved, too, because his truck is in a picture in the magazine. We all need hobbies.

Bobby and Shelly again. Shelly makes Bobby breakfast, and asks him what he'd do if Leo walked in. Bobby continues with his idle threats and pretends that he'll shoot him. Look at this pretending:

When Deputy Andy comes in to look for Leo, Bobby scurries away in fright, and Shelly plants a story about Leo being a bad guy. But Shelly, he already is a bad guy. You don't need to make up a lie (about Leo and Jacquese arguing outside).

Ed sort of "breaks up" with Norma because Nadine is the craziest person in town. She is. I haven't talked about her yet. She is irrelevant to the main plot, however. The whole thing is mostly irrelevant, but I thought I'd bring it up again, because Norma has that thing going on with her husband being let out of jail. You'll see more of why that's important later. But in the meantime, Hank is going to try to earn his way back into Norma's heart. We'll see how that works out for him.

Audrey goes off to her father's department store to check in for her first day and to figure out where she's going to be placed. The manager fondly remembers her from when she was a sweet little kid. He wants to put her in the wrapping department. This simply can't be. Laura didn't work in the wrapping department. We need perfume. But the manager thinks this is far too sensitive an area for a new girl.. Then Audrey is totally rad again. She walks behind his desk, ruffles him up a bit, and says that if he doesn't give her the job and keep quiet about it to her father, she'll rip her dress in half, scream, and you know the rest. Mr. Manager realizes that Audrey is quite a bit like her father...

Oh god. James and Donna again. Ok, let's just get through this. We learn: James' dad is a musician who ran away and James' mother is an alcoholic and sort of prostitute. I assume this is because James is such a disappointment. MOVING ON. They meet up with Madeleine -let's call her Maddy- at the Double R Restaurant. James is a little over-eager to get her a Cherry Coke, which she never drinks. James and Donna think they know who killed Laura (they have no idea, come on) and ask Maddy to find a box in a hiding place in Laura's room. Maddy agrees.

Our favorite police force partake in Doughtnut Deast No. 4! Phew, I was getting worried there. Cooper spots inside a pantry a picture of a cabin with red drapes in the windows.. The drapes from his dream. He then enjoys Flesh World. A lot. A. Lot.

He sees a picture of a woman, cut off before the face, who he is sure is Laura. He thinks this because in the background are red drapes. The same as in the cabin, the same as in his dream. Ok, that's it! Time to find that there cabin!

Bobby's parents decide Bobby needs some counseling with Dr. Jacoby, and I agree. The kid has problems. Their idea is family counseling, though, and that's just silly, considering who Bobby is. Jacoby sees this right away and tells them to bugger off so he can get some real work done. You know in movies when a person in authority who is trying to get in touch with the goshdarn kids these days decides to "break from the mold" and try to show that they know what it's like to be a teen or whatever? They usually start off with saying the line, "Let's just cut the crap" or something similar. That's what Jacoby says, and Bobby knows lameness will soon follow.

Except it doesn't. Because Jacoby doesn't give a shit about what Bobby thinks. He just wants to make Bobby cry. Annnnd he does. I think maybe he may have broken a few rules in the Psychiatrist's Handbook with his questions: "What happened the first time that you and Laura made love? Bobby, did you cry? And then what did Laura do, did she laugh at you?" Props to you, Jacoby. Bobby heads straight to the chaise lounge that no psychiatrist really has in his (or her!) office.

Bobby tells us about Laura's personality. It's sad. Look, this scene is really good. Jacoby leads the witness a lot, but it's all true. Laura had darkness in her, and other people made her sick. She would find people's weaknesses and exploit them. She wanted to corrupt people because she was corrupt. Laura's the reason Bobby's an asshole. Laura made Bobby sell drugs so she could have them. Bobby, I'm starting to be on your side.

Into the woods! The fellas, Truman, Cooper, Hawk, and the doctor, go to find the cabin. They find a cabin, but it's not Jacques'. It's the Log Lady's. Ok, time almost out: One thing that I do not understand about this show is why Cooper doesn't get behind the Log Lady's ideas. Why are her quirks any less valid than his? He's just being disrespectful. Everyone else has lots of respect, why can't he trust them for once? Jesus. Get over it, Cooper.

Log Lady tells us again that the Log saw something. (She tells us also that her husband, a logging man, met the devil. Huh.) Cooper breaks down and asks the Log what it saw. It saw dark and laughing, and owls. There were two men and two girls, the owls were near, the darkness was pressing in on Laura. Then later, another man moves in, and there are screams of one woman in the distance. The owls then? Silent.
Conclusion: Girls = Laura and Ronette. Boys = Jacques and Leo possibly. Who is the the third man? It's quite possible that it's Orson Welles or Jack White, but maybe not.

The guys go off and find the cabin. 
Cooper's Dream Comes True Again: Record player is on repeat. "And there's always music in the air."
They find Waldo the bird (pretty birds sing), a camera with film (a lead!), some twine, blood on the carpet, and some One-Eyed Jacks poker chips in a cuckoo clock. One of the chips has a.. chip in it, where once was the letter J. New evidence to examine!

There's a party at The Great Northern for the Icelanders. "Home on the Range" is sung in Icelandic. If only Bjork could've been there. But who do we have on the scene? We have Ben and Jerry, (Heppa,) Catherine and Pete Martell, Josie in a room alone somewhere smoking a cigarette, Audrey, and oh no.. Leland. Catherine hits the sauce right off, purposefully spills some of her drink on Ben's shoes, and demands she see him. Audrey overhears and sneaks into her cubby hole to listen. Now, I know this is Catherine and Ben we're talking about, but I actually thought something interesting might happen. But no, Catherine just wants to know why Ben had a One-Eyed Jacks poker chip last episode, because she knows of the ladies up there, and is a bit jealous. Whatever. Except Audrey sees this, and hears a bit about the mill burning-downage, so at least something came of this scene.

Outside, Jerry is making a weird speech (We are all Icelanders!), but then Glenn Miller starts playing. You know what happens next. Ben doesn't know what to do with the weeping Leland on the dance floor, but sics Catherine on him. Catherine saves the day and starts dancing. The Icelanders join in. Everyone's happy! Except for Leland, and Audrey. Audrey cries, because she has a soul.

Cut to the Palmer Residence, Maddy has found the box in Laura's room, and in it is a tape. She calls Donna to let her know. Sarah Palmer starts crying somewhere in the background, so Maddy runs back to her room for cover.

Annnd back to The Great Northern. Ben sneaks off to the room Josie is in and we discover that they have a plot of their own. Ben has been telling Josie what Catherine has been telling him, and Josie now has the hidden book. Ben tries to kiss her hand, but Josie squirms. She may have a sinister plot, but at least she's true to Truman. Ben and Josie are going to proceed with some plan tomorrow night, apparently.

The second to last scene we spend with Leo, Shelly, and.. Norma's husband Hank? Shelly paces nervously inside. Leo packs gasoline into his car outside. Hank.. punches Leo in the face. Leo used to work for Hank, before Hank got sent off to prison, and Hank isn't so happy that Leo is prospering so well by himself. Hank makes some threats and stalks off.  Leo goes into his house to demand beer, and pushes Shelly to the ground. Shelly has had enough! She pulls out her gun, and Leo makes the mistake that all villains do in movies. He grins and says, "You haven't got the guts!"

I don't know, she looks fairly gutsy. She shoots! Leo cries like a baby, or a cat, or a baby cat, and runs out the door, into the night.

To close the episode, we go back to The Great Northern, where Cooper sees his door ajar. ! He pulls out his gun and goes inside the dark room. A light comes on, and there's something strange in Cooper's bed..

Oh my.

Episode 5: The One-Armed Man

I have not made an entry for a couple days because of trouble with sleeping. Yes, episode five of our journey, and the dreams have begun.. But, like our ancestors of yesteryear, onward we must press.


Today we give The Great Northern a break from opening scenes and start out at the peaceful Palmer Residence. Andy is practicing some artistic talents -that we never knew of or could have possibly imagined he had- by charcoaling a picture of Bob based on the description from Laura's crazy mother, Sarah. Yes, ladies and gents, the police are still basing their investigation on dreams and hallucinations. Truman takes tea from Madeleine and stares glumly into space, wondering how his life could possibly have turned to this constant compromizing of reason. He tries to bring back rationality by asking if Sarah had actually seen the man before, but no, never. Oh, but his face. MY GOD HIS FAACE! she, of course, screams.

Leland stumbles out in his bathrobe and ruins this too, just like the funeral and everything else. He apparently finds the interview with his wife laughable (and he's not far from right) and prompts her to tell the police about her other "vision." Yes, she's had two visions. How many, Leland? Show them.
Two. He then gives his wife too smug a smirk for someone who just recently jumped on a coffin (and let's not forget Glenn Miller), and stumbles out. This upsets Sarah, because there isn't a thing in the world that doesn't upset her. You can just tell she's getting ready for a screaming fit, but Truman cuts her off just in time. But yes, this other vision, it's the necklace one. Donna is present (Why?) and looks slightly off-camera, evidently worried about her feeble little James.

Cooper stayed behind at the station, because he is supposedly a "strong sender" and didn't want to influence Sarah Palmer (...), but he didn't let this time pass wasted. He greatly enjoyed a magic show put on by Dr. Jacoby.
Or not.

Outside of his magic show, Jacoby supplies only a limited amount of information, for he is a strict believer in a little thing called "doctor/patient confidentiality." He wasn't exactly against Laura's cocaine habit. "The fact that Laura Palmer sought medication, no matter how dubious, was actually a positive sign." That's what my psychiatrist tried to tell the police, too, but they bought it just as much as Cooper did. So why is Jacoby being such a dick? Because, allow me to paraphrase, he's going to be too busy investigating himself for the rest of his life. Cooper asks the man if he knows who killed Laura Palmer. Well, no, but he did go on about following a man in a red corvette Laura had talked about, the night after Laura died. He followed the car to the saw mill, but didn't follow any further, presumably because he wanted to get back to his self-investigation.

Exit Dr. Jacoby, enter Cooper's supervisor Gordon, or David Lynch, via phone. Gordon informs Cooper: 1.) The twine found on Laura's upper arm is your average run-of-the-mill twine, 2.) The twine on her wrists is not, 3.) The bites on her shoulder are bird bites, and 4.) A reconstruction of the plastic thing in Laura's stomach is being faxed to the office. (When it arrives, it is the shape of a poker chip.)
Bad news: Albert wants to continue with his tirade after Truman. Cooper flips out a bit at the phone, and hangs up.

In comes Andy with his work of art.

It is the man Cooper saw in his dream. Bob. His eyes are a bit closer together.

After a phone call from Hawk, Cooper, Truman, and Andy head off to a motel where Hawk is waiting, to find the one-armed man. Also at the hotel are.. ugh. Ugh. Catherine and Ben. Must we see this again? I'm not going to look. If you want to see what happens, watch it yourself. I'm done. And who else is at the motel? Josie. In her car. With a camera. Sure, fine, why not. Oh, and out of Ben's pocket falls a poker chip from One-Eyed Jacks. (Uh-oh.)

Cooper and Truman meet the one-armed man, Mike, who denies everything. He's never seen the Bob in the picture, his tattoo on his shoulder said "mom," he's an innocent shoe salesman, etc. etc. It's convincing! At least, he believes himself, apart from possibly the tattoo thing. He does have a bff named Bob, though! Bff Bob is in a coma. Bff Bob is a veterinarian. Cooper and the gang get down to investigating this vet place. But wait, before we go there..

To the Twin Peaks school, which we rarely see. We have Donna and Audrey in the bathroom. I don't know if it's just Audrey's oozing awesome, but Donna isn't so bad here. Audrey tells Donna of a master plan she's developing, to help Special Agent Cooper solve the murder. She doesn't realllly care about Laura, but she wants Cooper pretty bad, so. Donna is down for the investigating, but on one condition: They don't tell the anyone.

A brief venture into the boring life of Norma, because this is actually important. Her manslaughtering husband is up for parole, and he wants her help him get it. He has changed. He wants to prove it to her. Norma helps him out. She assures the authority that she will give her husband a job and they will live as man and wife. Why? Maybe she just wants to make her life less boring. Hey, I'm for it.

Now, to the veterinarian!

As they park, Cooper reminds Truman about his dream, about Mike and Bob living over a convenient store. He sends Andy to go pick up some twine from such a store nearby. Truman almost loses his patience with Cooper's dreams, but being the soft-spoken small-town sherf he is, he bites his tongue. Hawk gives the the most staged high-five in the history of high-fives somewhere in the background. The gang take a bunch of the vet's documents for scrutiny, to find the bird that bit Laura. Thinking! They are thinking.

The person to search these documents is Lucy. She's not overly pleased with this, which I can understand. It's not like she's an office assistant or something. She's just there to watch Invitation to Love on the little TV. Andy tries to talk to her, but she gives him the cold shoulder. She does this a lot in this episode, and Andy doesn't know why. Andy also doesn't get why Lucy didn't let him "spend the night last night." I say!

Bobby and Shelly Time. Bobby tells Shelly he thinks Leo and Jacques are running drugs across the border (because he buys regularly, except he didn't mention that) and are selling it at school. They even possibly sold it to Laura. Shelly shows Bobby the bloody shirt and her gun. It's a relationship built on trust, hopes, and dreams.

While Lucy looks through the documents, the boys go down to the cellar, shoot some stuff, and talk about women. Cooper is one hell of a shot and once had a woman who taught him the pain of a broken heart. Hawk is pretty good at shooting, too, and he writes poetry.
Poetry:

One woman can make you fly like an eagle,

Another can give you the strength of a lion,

But only one in the cycle of life

Can fill your heart with wonder

And the wisdom that you have known a singular joy.

Lucy rings down to interrupt this male bonding, and just in time, because it was starting to get a little gay. What's the problem, Lucy? The vet doesn't organize the files by species, but organizes by name. So in other words, finding this bird could take some time. Swell. Gordan calls in and narrows the search a little bit. The bird is either a myna bird or a parrot. Cooper, Andy, and Truman relieve Lucy of her job and spend hours and hours looking for the goddamn bird. At last, Andy finds it. Waldo! (Where's Waldo, get it?) Hurrrayyy, myna bird. Who owns the myna bird? You'll never guess. Jacques Renault!

They jump in the car and take a trip to Renault's apartment. Renault isn't there, but Bobby is. Bobby is busy planting evidence, Leo's shirt. He hears the police and bolts. Cooper and Truman roll in and find the shirt. I bet they didn't even have a warrant.

Finally! Our Great Northern scene of the episode. Ben is on his treadmill talking on his phone to a potential Swedish investor. Cool! Audrey walks in and spins some tale about wanting to be responsible and "be his daughter again." It takes some convincing, but Ben finally believes her. What is Audrey's motive? She wants her father to put her to work at the perfume counter at his department store. The same place where Laura worked. It works.

But then Ben gets a phone call to meet a mystery person at the river. Who is this mystery person? Leo with his red corvette. Leo has his back to the camera, and then we have that thing that I hate in movies. You know, when someone taps another person on a shoulder in an obviously creepy way, and doesn't understand how this could have possibly freaked the other person out? It's just stupid. The object of the tapping would have heard the tapper before he arrived, unless the tapper was purposely moving covertly. But yeah, Ben surprises Leo.

Leo has a problem. He has a problem with a dead body. Bernie. The late Bernard. That's a real problem. Ben doesn't care too much, and reminds Leo that he better do a good job with burning down Josie's saw mill. (Whoooo caaaares?)

James meets Madeleine at the Double R. He wants to hit that. Later, he and Donna go to check on the necklace, and see that it's gone. James wants to go to the police, but the police didn't love Laura!

Truman calls his main squeeze, Josie, who is desperate to talk to him. Once he brings up her appearance at the sleezy motel, however, she suddenly has to go. That lady is shady. But not too shady to make a date with Pete Martell to go fishing, even though she "doesn't know the first step about fishing." Sweet stuff. Pete leaves, and she notices that in a stack of mail on the kitchen counter, there is an envelope for her. We know it's going to be bad news, because Angelo Badalamenti's loud, forboding soundtrack plays overtop. And oh god! The horror!

That would be an awesome warning to just get in the mail, but the sender had to hammer the point in by calling her seconds after she opened it. Lame. Really. The sender is Norma's husband, Hank. Earlier, we saw him in the prison holding the domino piece, and if the makers of the show had just left it at that, it would have been pretty awesome. But some bad decision maker had to put in the phone call. Because we're not intelligent enough to make a connection.

I'm really missing the doughnut feasts.

Episode 4: Rest in Pain (or Worst Episode Title Ever)

We start again at the The Great Northern. Audrey is still swaying back and forth to her constant internal soundtrack. She waits for her Cooper. Or Colonel Cooper, as she calls him, and Cooper is quick to inform her that he is actually an Agent.. Special Agent. You can see the lust in both of their eyes at the sound of this adjective. Look at that lust:
Cooper flirts with Audrey so hard while he makes her prove that she slipped the "Jack with One Eye" note under his door ("Audrey, that rightward slant in your handwriting indicates a romantic nature. A heart that yearns... Be careful."), it makes everyone wish she could be maybe a couple years older than 18. But Cooper quickly suppresses his lust and gets rid of Audrey before Truman arrives at his table. Professionalism is key.

Beneath that sexual tension, however, there was some important information. Apart from Cooper getting Audrey to tell him stuff he already knew, about prostitutes and whatnot, he did learn that Laura used to work at Audrey's father's store, Horne's Department Store. The same store where Ronnette Pulaski worked, perfume section. Also, there is a possibility that Laura worked at One-Eyed Jacks.

When Truman and Lucy sit down to join Cooper for breakfast, Special Agent Cooper whisks away his sultry side and gets down to talking about griddle cakes, ham, and goshdarnit maple syrup ain't it the swellest. But Truman, for some reason, doesn't want to talk about food, but rather the phone call from the previous night, in which Cooper said he knew who killed Laura Palmer. Cooper then proceeds to describe his dream much more succinctly than I managed, and then says that, oh yeah, he forgot who killed Laura. Ohhhh well, no big thing. It's not like that's the reason why he's there.

At the morgue, Albert is trying to do his job, but these damned hillbilly doctors won't let him. "I have travelled thousands of miles and apparently several centuries to this forgotten sinkhole to perform some tests. I do not ask you to understand these tests, I am not a cruel man, I just ask you to get the hell out of my way so I can finish my work! Is that clear?" Zingers, Albert's got 'em. Albert's job is to examine Laura's body for evidence, and why can't he do it? Because the funeral is in, like, an hour, and they kind of need her for the coffin. I can see both sides of this argument. Sheriff Truman comes in and gives Albert "the old, rustic sucker punch." Cooper quietly tells Truman to go wait in the car like a good boy, and demands Albert play nice and not drill a nasty old hole in Laura Palmer's head.


Dream Clue One: Leland is sitting on his couch watching the town's favorite soap opera, Invitation to Love, when Laura walks in. No, not Laura, Madeleine, Laura's brunette cousin who looks exactly like her. Ohhh look, Cooper's dream is coming true. Wait, does this mean that the midget is Laura? I could get behind that.

Dream Clue Two: Albert later informs Cooper that Laura's wrists were tied with twine, bending her arms back. Remember, "Sometimes my arms bend back." Albert gives some amazing insight. He found a lot, including scratches from an animal on Laura's skin, and a piece of plastic in Laura's stomach with the letter J on it. J again. Noticing a trend? Albert then attempts to get Cooper to sign a paper describing the previous sucker punch events, but Cooper refuses and rants about how, gee whiz, Twin Peaks is swell town. To quote Albert again, "Sounds like you've been snacking on some of the local mushrooms." Once Albert is gone, Cooper makes a note to Diane to help him find a place to live in Twin Peaks. Oy.

Cooper and Truman go pay Leo Johnson a visit. Cooper keeps up his trend of asking people questions he knows the answers to: Did you know Laura Palmer? Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Leo lies on both., and then probably lies for the next question about where he was the night Laura died. He says Montana. I don't believe it. I doubt Cooper does. Do you?

Prepping for the funeral: James rides his bike to Ed's house only to tell him that he's not going to the funeral, then storms off. Audrey sneaks into a cubby hole at The Great Northern and spies on her family through a hole in a wall. Dr. Jacoby is comforting her brother, Johnny, convincing him to take off his Native American headdress. And in another awesome conversation between Bobby and his father the General, Bobby informs his father that he is going to TURN the funeral up.side.DOWN. And boy, does he.

James ends up showing at the funeral, to sulk behind a tree. Bobby makes a well-practiced spontaneous outburst about everyone being a hypocrite, and says that THEY killed Laura. WE ALL DID. Bobby and James get into a bit of a slow-motion scuffle, with lots of, "YOU ARE DEAD! YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!" Leland just can't take other people being more crazy than he and his wife, so he starts screaming again and jumps on the coffin. The mother quickly joins in with the screaming, and asks him not to "ruin THIS, too." I sense a story there.

I sort of lose interest here, or maybe it's just because I got hungry and started making some pasta without hitting pause. Cooper, Hawk, Big(?) Ed, and Truman meet up at Norma's Double R Diner, and start talking about shutting down this Jacques Renault guy and some French-Canadian drug-dealers. But then Truman gets down to business. He talks about something evil in the woods (and suddenly my interest is back) that has been "out there for as long as anyone can remember." These three local men are a member of a little club, a club formed TO FIGHT EVIL. They're called The Bookhouse Boys. Because they're stationed in a bookhouse. They all take a little trip to the bookhouse, where we meet up with a younger Renault with the worst attempt at a French-Canadian accent I have ever heard. He had cocaine, they want to find the brother, Jacques, so on and so forth, can we get back to the evil woods now?

Jacques sees a red light over a building, which is obviously some sort of signal that all is not well. He calls Leo and asks for help. Leo rushes off and Shelly comes home with a gun to hide in a table. Smart girl. I love her.

During one of their romantic evenings alone, Josie tells the Sheriff about the ledgers in Catherine's secret room. They go to check it out, but Catherine took out one to hide the evidence. Catherine is listening to them over the intercom, so see, she's smart, I guess. Catherine scolds Pete for helping Sophie, but Pete just doesn't care anymore. Who does? Sheriff tells Sophie that nothing's gonna harm her, not while he's around. Nothing's gonna harm her, no sir- And then they do it on the floor.

Cooper watches a man in a cloak and a great hat go to Laura's grave at night. It's Jacoby. He didn't go to the funeral, because he hates people. But he loved Laura. It's a touching scene, I'm a fan of it. It's Russ Tamblyn, you know?



Cooper and Hawk have a spiritual chat at either The Roadhouse or The Great Northern. Leland walks in, and demands to dance with people while Glenn Miller plays. He starts to scream a bit again, then he curls into a ball on the floor.

Episode 3: Zen, or the Skill to Catch a Killer (Too Dreamy)

Yesterday I watched this episode but couldn't write an entry, since it was the first one with a scene that sort of freaks me out. Sure, the first appearance of Bob last episode was alarming, but we don't yet know why we have to be afraid of him. This episode's dream sequence at the end didn't scare me the first time around, but now that I've seen the entire series, that room with those red drapes will forever make me shiver. But more on that later.


This episode opens on the Horne family eating a lovely, completely silent and awkward dinner at a very long table. They're all obvoiusly trying not to be upset by Audrey's mentally-challenged brother, who hasn't been quite the same since Laura, his tutor, died. When I say all, I mean all but Ben who I don't think at this point cares whether his family lives or dies.

Enter the poor man's Michael Douglas, Jerry Horne, Ben's manic brother. (Ben and Jerry, get it? Get it?) Back from Paris! He comes bearing gifts - the best damn sandwiches he's ever eaten, a baguette with butter and brie, and damnit, do I want a sandwich right now. Only Ben is happy to see his brother, the rest of the family sit and pray he'll just disappear. Ben and Jerry trade pleasantries while they eat the sandwiches in the absolute most obnoxious way ever, and then head out for a talk about the investors leaving, Laura dying, and, most importantly, a new girl at One-Eyed Jacks.


What's One-Eyed Jacks? It's a casino and brothel on an island just on the Canadian side of the border. Ben and Jerry take a boat to the island and step inside, where they are greeted by a bunch of looovely laaadies. Ben quotes Shakespeare at the matron of the lot, Blacky (...) for a little while, but Jerry has him shut the hell up, because he is impatient to get. it. on. Except Ben gets the new girl (who finds it difficult to hide her disgust) first, which is thoroughly upsetting to Jerry. That's the luck of the draw. Cooper finds out about One-Eyed Jacks after getting a sweet-smelling note under his door which says nothing but "Jack with One Eye." After hearing what the place is from the Sheriff, he makes it a priority to check it out. Wouldn't you?

Enough of that. Now let's check out the super-intelligent duo, Bobby and Mike. They drive off into the woods at night, Mike with a switch blade, to get a football, in a tree, that contains cocaine. They are intercepted by Leo, armed with a flashlight, a gun, and a mysterious crony, who makes some threats. There isn't enough cocaine, but there isn't enough money either, and Leo needs a new pair of shoes. His are all muddy and bloody, after all. Leo subtly implies that he knew Laura in some sort of wild, perhaps slightly kinky way, but moves on to his troubles, about his good-for-nothing wife who is soiling his bed with another man's semen while he's away on the road for days. Bobby asks if Leo knows who this other guy is in the most weasily and obvious way, but Leo's a bit of a dolt (remember, chest of drawers, bloody shirt) and doesn't catch it. Bobby and Mike scurry away, and that's enough of that tomfoolery. Or so we think. Because then Bobby, World's Smartest Guy, goes to see Shelly to step out with her some more. He then makes idle threats about killing Leo for causing the huge bruises on Shelly's face. The idlest of threats in the history of mankind.

Doughnut Feast No. 3 takes place outside, so Cooper can put on a little show for the gang, featuring a chalkboard, a bucket of rocks, and a bottle on a tree stump.
What is the explanation this time for one of Cooper's zaaaaany plans? Well, first let's talk about Tibet. .. Nah, you don't need to know. The point is, he has some pretty scrummy dreams, and now he can use some weird technique having to do with mind-body coordination something something something. So, the plan? Hawk's going to hold the magic bucket (while wearing kitten mittons - I mean, kitchen mittens), Truman's going to read the names on the chalkboard, Andy's going to stand next to the bottle on the stump and look at things, and Lucy's going to check off names on the chalkboard as Cooper throws the rocks at the bottle. What does this prove apart from Cooper having mostly shitty aim? The names are all names that have the letter J in them, and Cooper wants to find out which of these Js is the J Laura was nervous about meeting the night she died. Whichever name the stone hits the bottle on is the source of said nerves.
Names:
James Hurley
Josie Packard
Dr. Lawrence Jacoby
Johnny Horne
Norma Jennings
Shelly Johnson
Leo Johnson

The rock knocked the bottle off the stump on Jacoby, but the bottle shatters on Leo Johnson. Cooper, you rigging the system? Now I'm wondering, how will they justify questioning Leo Johnson? Yes, you see, Leo, we're going to have to bring you down to the station, because a bottle shattered when I threw a rock at it.

The infamous Albert Rosenfield (R-O-S-E-N-F-I-E-L-D) comes into the station and commands control. He's a bastard, "lacking in social niceties." I love him. Sheriff Truman isn't a fan, and he tells Albert so in no uncertain terms. Albert scowls and leaves the station with his sunglasses-wearing minions.

Back at the Martell homestead, Pete and Catherine share some loving remarks ("Get your boots off my bed and go to your room!") and Pete steals a key from Catherine's bedside vase to give to Josie to get a ledger. This ledger means something important. There are two of them. I guess one is a fake? I don't know, whatever.

Let's check in on the weeping crazies. Leland decides that he doesn't want his wife to be the only one to flip out more than socially acceptable, and dances around his living room to Glenn Miller at full volume (Is there any other way to listen to Glenn Miller?) with a picture of Laura. All the while screaming. You know he's gone too far, because even his clinically insane wife thinks it's gone a bit far. They accidentally smash the frame of the picture, Leland cuts his hand, and, perhaps the creepiest thing we've seen so far, he rubs the blood all over the picture. Not to be outdone, the wife starts screaming herself. They're not taking their daughter's death badly at all.


And now time to freak the hell out. AGHHHHHHH I CAN'T TAKE IT SOMEONE ELSE WRITE ABOUT THIS PART PLEASE! No takers? Fine fine fine. The dream. Cooper's dream. In abstract terms.

"Through the darkness of future past
The magician longs to see,
One chants out between two worlds,
'Fire, walk with me.'"

Said the One-Armed Man. We see flashes of a red room with that midget (politically incorrect!) from Carnivale having an epileptic fit, and a flash of Bob again, then this one-armed fellow starts his creepy as hell monologue. He, "we," lived among the people, above a convenient store. "I, too, have been touched by the devilish one." He had/has a tattoo on his left shoulder, but he took his arm off. I guess that's an explanation for that. His name is Mike. His name is Bob. And now we see Bob, calling out for Mike. Bob caught Mike with his "death bag." You may think he's gone insane, but he promises he will kill again. Then there's a circle of candles, they get blown out.

Cooper's dream turns back the the room with the crazy midget guy. Cooper is sitting in a chair; he is older. On a chair next to him is Laura Palmer; she is smiling at him. The midget calms himself down and wants to rock. Presumably he just snorted some cocaine, which surely he got from Laura. As if to validate this theory, Laura taps her nose. A shadow moves across the room, but we don't know its source. The midget speaks backwards.. Sort of. He talks about weird things. Gum coming back in style. Laura's his cousin. She looks like Laura Palmer. Cooper thinks she is Laura Palmer. Laura says she thinks she knows Laura Palmer, but you know, her arms bend back, so that explains that. She has secrets. Pretty birds sing. Midget dances some more, he's got sweet moves. Laura whispers something in Cooper's ear.
Cooper wakes up suddenly, calls Truman, and informs him that he knows who killed Laura Palmer. We-heh-helll, we'll just see about that. He snaps his fingers, he has music in his heart. Audrey likes the music too.


Isn't it too dreamy?

Episode 2: Traces to Nowhere (What Is Shenanigans)

Last episode we saw a bit of The Great Northern, but the inside of the guests' rooms remained a mystery. Now we see that the decorator was quite fond of taxidermy. Also, oddly, there is a gun on a deerhoof gun rack. I see Mr. Benjamin Horne is very trusting. After the pan around the room, we see Cooper's legs, upside down from the ceiling. The man is hanging bat-like from a pole by the door, talking to his beloved tape-recorder, musing about all sorts of things, including JFK and Marilyn Monroe.

But, enough of that. Off to breakfast, for a damn fine cup of coffee and a highly sexually tense conversation between Agent Cooper and the lovely, freshly squeezed Ms. Audrey Horne. There's a grin between the two, but as the conversation continues, you may note Cooper's grin fades as he figures out the fact that Audrey is, ohhhhh, 17? Or maybe his palms are just itching.

Down at the station, we have Doughnut Feast No. 2, which Agent Cooper unfortunately does not partake in; but that's ok, he'll have quite a few slices of cherry pie later at Norma's restaurant. Hey, plan, drinking game. I'm sure you can figure out the theme. Shot for every doughnut, every slice of pie, every damn fine cup of coffee black as midnight on a moonless night, two shots for a fish in the percolater. With this show, the possibilities are endless.

Onto the investigation. We learn a number of things about Laura. She tutored both Audrey's 27 year-old mentally-challenged brother, and Josie Packard for English. (Josie's English evidently isn't so good, but I assume that's either an act for the character, or she's just a bad actor. Or, hey! Both, probably.) Laura also organized a Meals-On-Wheels operation, based out of Norma's restaurant. As you can tell, quite a busy lady. Busier still, she sexed up at least 3 guys within 12 hours before her death. I doubt James or Bobby were included.

An interesting plot development comes up. First, we notice even more how much of a scary guy Leo is. He demands Shelly clean his boots and wash his laundry, and goddamnit, she better do that laundry NOW. And amongst this laundry is...... a bloodied shirt! A whole lot of blood. Shelly is a smidge freaked out. Really, only a smidge. That's the kind of guy Leo, presumably, is. She quickly and smartly hides the shirt in a chest of drawers-
Wait. Hold on. Let me show you something:
The outdoor washing machine, a staple for every healthy household!
Later, when Leo goes to check on his laundry, he notices that the shirt is not included, which just shows that if you want to destroy evidence, you just can't rely on the wife you regularly abuse. And I thought they were in love. The man is not quite bright enough to search the dresser right next to him, soooo when Shelly returns from work later that night, he beats her with a sock of soap. That's the way to do it. Go get her, Leo!

Meanwhile, back in the station, James broods around a bit, but eventually tells Cooper and Truman that he was indeed seeing Laura, that she didn't want anyone to know about the relationship, that she was hooked on cocaine and was scared of some unknown thing that had happened a couple days before she was killed, and that he had indeed seen her the night she died. Under Donna's idiotic influence, however, he won't tell them that the other half of the necklace is his. Oh well, can't win 'em all. Still, James is kept in jail, and we have another weird Bobby, Mike, and James encounter. Ohhh, those guys.

To Bobby and Mike, who are still hanging out in a cozy little cell at the Twin Peaks police headquarters. We learn what that 10 thousand in Laura's box was all about. Bobby owes money to Leo, for a currently unknown reason. Ten thousand dollars to be exact, but Laura had to go ahead and get herself killed before she could fork it over. Bobby and Mike are obviously screwed, because, in case you haven't figured out, Leo isn't the most mild-tempered guy. They're rather pleased to be held in prison so Leo can't touch them, but Cooper lets the boys out shortly, and threatens to come on after them if they so much as touch a precious hair on James' little head. James is also under the protection of The Bookhouse Boys, so that guy's set.

Now it is revealed that Ed is James' uncle, employer, and closest thing to guardian, since James' mother is perpetually "out of town." Ed had some difficulty last night at The Roadhouse, and now has a bandage on his head. He's foggy on the details, but he's pretty sure his drink was drugged. The bartender? Jacques Renault. We don't meet Mr. Renault quite yet, though.

On to things that disgust us, we have to sit through a scene of Ben Horne licking Catherine Martell's toes and plotting burning down Josie Packard's mill. They don't like Josie. They like the land. That's really all I'm going to say about that.

Donna talks to Laura's absolutely psychotic mother, and the mother sees something. The first something. Let's see this something that she sees:WHO IS THAT! The mother freaks out, and this time I don't blame her one bit. This guy. This guy. I can't even, I can't even. No one else sees this guy, so the screaming goes unexplained.

In the hospital we see a character I quite like: Hawk. He's a Native American. He's pretty cool. Hawk questions Ronnette's parents, and they inform him that Ronnette worked at Horne's Department Store. That's right, Ben also owns a department store. Hawk then sees a curious sight: A one-armed man walks into a restricted section in the hospital, and then vanishes. What could this mean?

Parent/Child Relationship Time! 1. Donna and her parents are tight. Ok, moving on. 2. Audrey and her father, Mr. Ben Horne, are not too tight. Proof: Ben says to Audrey, "Laura died two days ago. I lost you years ago." Ouch. 3. Bobby and his father, neither tight or not tight. Bobby's father, Mr. Uniform, is.. how shall I put this.. awesome. He calls Bobby Robert. He respects Robert's rebellious side. He speaks eloquently about how much he respects it. He slaps a cigarette out of Robert's mouth and continues his monologue with barely if at all changing his tone. He is amazing. He's understated and one of my favorites. Robert needs to respect that guy.

Two more points before I'm through.

LOG LADY!
She speaks. Or rather, one day.. her log will have something to say about Laura Palmer. Cooper could find out, but he has too much pride to ask it himself. And Log Lady walks away in a huff. Oh, do you know who the Log Lady is? She is a strange woman with red glasses. She carries a log, which she strokes, and speaks to it. And it speaks to her. The Log sees all. The Log knows all. Listen to The Log.

Dr. Jacoby. His relationship with Laura must have been interesting. The final scene of this episode shows Dr. Jacoby, in his usual strange attire, listening to a tape Laura made for him. Laura has made many tapes for Jacoby, or at least this final tape implies as much. Jacoby listens to Laura talk about a "mystery man" on his headphones while he opens up a coconut container containing James' half of the heart necklace. And he cries. It is moving. There's something there. What could be on the tape? What could Laura be saying about being lost in the woods, and her mystery man? Tune in next week, and maybe all will be revealed. ... Or not.

Oh yeah, James and Donna had dinner at Donna's house with Donna's parents. Apart from James wearing an out of character get-up, it wasn't interesting.

Pilot, Pt. 2

Enter Agent Dale Cooper of the FBI, 34 minutes in. He sets the scene, with every detail (every detail) while talking into a tape recorder for the infamous Diane. Right away, we realize that Cooper is nothing short of eccentric, needs nothing more than a clean and reasonably priced motel, and likes himself a nice slice of cherry pie. And trees, must not forget those trees. Douglas Firs, they're really something. But why is he really here? Why would an FBI agent be involved in such a case? It's a murder with an investigation that hasn't even begun yet. What makes this so special to the FBI? Agent Cooper is especially interested in the victims' fingernails. He finds nothing underneath Ronnette's (who is now unconscious and hospitalized), but under Laura's he finds...

We meet Dr. Jacoby, a psychiatrist played by Russ Tamblyn, and at last the bffs Tony and Riff can be together again. (I've only just discovered that Richard Beymer aka Tony in West Side Story plays Ben Horne, and of course Tamblyn is Riff. This makes me very happy.) Truman does not wish to speak with Jacoby, because Jacoby is, like everyone else in this godforsaken town, madder than a hatter. He wears corks in his ears, likes the idea of looking at Laura's dead body, and is even more amused by the fact that Laura's parents didn't know that Laura was seeing him. Oh, and his shoes are BRIGHT BLUE.

I repeat, Cooper finds nothing underneath Ronnette's fingernails, but under Laura's, he finds the letter R. This is serious business. So serious, Diane needs to make sure Albert, not Sam, takes care of this business. (Albert is on the ball.) The significance of the letter R? There was another murder, a year ago, in a town nearby. A girl named Teresa Banks. Presumably, there was something under her nail as well. These murders, Cooper believes, are connected.

More about Donna and James, unfortunately. The two of them seem to be fairly good friends with this one fellow, Ed. Ed is in love with the owner of the restaurant Shelly works at, Mona, but he is married to a lunatic woman who wears an eye-patch and has a ceaseless war with curtains. Mona is also married, to someone who is in jail. WHAT FOR?! Manslaughter. James hands Ed a note to give to Donna. The note tells her to meet James at The Roadhouse. The Roadhouse is a happening joint. There's singing, lots of guys in flannel. Place. To. Be. You should check it out.

Back to things we give a damn about. Cooper and Truman go through Laura's belongings and find a video and a diary. And, most importantly, a small box of chocolate bunnies. From this diary, we learn that Laura hates asparagus, and she is going to meet someone referred to only as J. There is also a key in the diary in a bag. Also in the bag is something white. Cooper bets it's cocaine. Truman disagrees. Cooper knows better. The key opens a safety deposit box. Inside the box is a magazine called Flesh World. Inside Flesh World is a picture of Ronnette Pulaski. Oh, and there's over 10 thousand dollars in the box as well. "That's a lot of girl scout cookies."

On the video, we discover with Bobby, is footage of a picnic with Laura, Donna, and a mysterious cameraman. Cooper has an idea who the cameraman is, and obviously doesn't expect Bobby to tell him. Bobby has an idea who the cameraman, and obviously won't tell Cooper. Cooper doesn't care for Bobby. But he does know one thing:


What do Bobby and Cooper know? That the cameraman is a biker. What do we know? It's James, obviously. Donna knows this, but she's starting off her trend of lying to the police. Sigh. The police found the place Laura was obviously murdered, and there they find half of a heart necklace. They assume the killer has the other half.. And do you know who has it? James. But we all know James is too much of a sissy to have had anything to do with the murder. Donna still thinks that James is a tough guy, though, and the two of them think that other people will be stupid enough to assume that James did it.

So Donna goes to the Roadhouse, to be driven on a motorcylce by a friend of James', to meet up with James himself. Cooper and Truman follow to the best of their abilities. Donna and James "bury" the necklace by sprinkling a handful of dirt over top then covering it with a rock, and then they bolt. Oh, but they kiss first, in regard to which James says one of the lamest thing ever. "I'm sorry. [second pause] I changed my mind. I'm NOT sorry." Ugh. Cooper and Truman catch them, and arrest James, even though they know he's not guilty. There was also a fight at The Roadhouse, started by Bobby and his idiot friend/Donna's idiot boyfriend, Mike, so those two fellas are in jail as well, and they make barking noises at James. This makes a lot of sense.

Back at the station, Cooper and Truman are presented with a whole lot of doughnuts, and god, do I ever crave them. The doughnuts. Not Cooper and Truman. Truman recommends Cooper a clean and reasonably priced place to stay: The Great Northern!

After Doughnut Feast No. 1, Sheriff goes off to make out with Josie Packard. He had a productive day. Catherine Martell talks to Ben Horne on the phone. What could this mean? Laura's mother dreams of someone picking up a rock and lifting up a necklace of half of a heart. This terrifies her, and she screams and cries some more, because she's out of her goddamn mind.


Odds and Ends:
ONE-ARMED MAN SPOTTING, 39:20!
LOG LADY SIGHTING AT ONE HOUR FOUR MINUTES!
Donna's sister is awesome, but is also an idiot. Donna's mother is in a wheelchair. Donna's father is a swell guy. Everyone in Donna's family is infinitely more interesting than Donna herself.


So what do I think of this episode now, after having already seen the entirety of the show? I like it. I like it a lot. This is possibly only because I now know the characters, and I know greatness is to come. So would I recommend this episode to the rest of the world? Hell, I don't know. It has to be seen eventually, of course, but don't let it turn you off if you don't like it.

Pilot, Pt. 1 (or What Feels Like the Longest Episode in TV History)

This episode runs for an hour and half. It is the longest episode of Twin Peaks, and it introduces the major premise and most of the characters. In other words, this post will be considerably longer than the ones to follow.


I watched the entirety of the intro. I've done this once before. It takes 42 seconds for the title to show, 52 for the first name (Kyle MacLachlan, of course). In total, the intro is 2 minutes and 35 seconds. Thank you, Lost, for showing the world the beauty of the short title sequence.

The episode starts with a character I've never particularly liked, Josie Packard, putting on make-up. She's only slightly an essential character, if memory serves, so I miiight say that starting off this epic show with a shot of her was a poor decision. But it does bring us to the house she lives in, where Pete Martell lives with his less than loving wife, Catherine Martell. Pete (the wonderful Jack Nance) is the character who discovers the body Laura Palmer, a much-loved high school girl, on the beach. Ah hah, now Lynch's thought process is clear. If he is to open the show in this setting, he's not going to gain any fans by focusing in on Pete or Catherine, but daaammmmmnn, is Josie fiiiine. (Ask the sheriff, he knows.)

Upon discovering the body (then not known to be Laura Palmer), Pete calls the police station, thus introducing more characters. Lucy, the receptionist, presents her oddities with her voice and some confusing phone dilema; Andy, the deputy, presents his oddities with his voice and some strange crying behaviors. Match made in heaven? Ain't it just. Then there's the sheriff, (Canadian heartthrob Michael Ontkean) stoic, heroic, all you could want, or so they say. And then the doctor, father of Laura's best friend, Donna. (He's just a swell guy. Just a super super swell guy.) They turn over the body, wrapped in plastic, and there, we have the shot of Laura Palmer's blue, dead body. Shock! Sentimental music.

As the episode progresses, we connect by phone from this person to the next. Laura's (completely nuts) mother looks for her daughter, calls the parents of Laura's boyfriend, Bobby (the father wears a military outfit always, the mother enjoys clicking scissors together), then calls her husband's work where we meet the husband, Leland, and Ben Horne, Leland's boss. Leland seems a little flustered, which can't be blamed, because his wife is clearly insane and his boss is an overbearing, money-hungry bastard.

And where does Leland work? The Great Northern! A hotel looking for investors. Ben Horne wants Josie Packard's land for the hotel -a point which he uses to sell to the investors- but he doesn't have it yet -a point which he chooses to not share with aforementioned investors. There are a whole lot of problems there, blah blah blah, subplot subplot. Honestly, it's not very exciting. I'm just going to skip that part for this episode. There will be plenty of that to come later, unfortunately. The endless drama between Josie Packard and Catherine Martell. Faaast forward. (But don't really.) Though! One interesting point: The scene with Leland and Ben discussing the Packard's land opens with a shot of a fireplace. Hmhmhmmm.

We then have a very moving scene. While on the phone with his nutso wife, Leland is approached by Sheriff Truman. Truman doesn't even need to say Laura is dead, Leland already knows, as does his wife. This is a reaction everyone on the show has when they learn that something is up with Laura, which is either a sign of poor writing, or, and most likely, is a reaction to Laura's personality. A girl who runs off in the woods in the middle of the night, saying, "Fire, walk with me."
And then there are tears. Here, let me show you some tears:That is what Laura's mother looks like in every single shot she is in from now until the end of the series.

Now let's briefly talk about Bobby, Laura's boyfriend. He's a football player who never goes to practice. He wants to be a tough-guy jock, but the weasily little guy falls short. He's cheating on Laura with a waitress high school drop-out, Shelly (gorgeous), but don't feel bad. Laura was probably cheating on Bobby with.. everyone? And Shelly, Shelly's married to a very menacing truck-driver, Leo. At least, Bobby is terrified of him, but then, Bobby is pretty much terrified of everyone.

And then we meet Donna, James, and Audrey. Donna is a clean-cut girl, James is another tough-guy wannabe, and Audrey, I'm in love with Audrey Horne.

Audrey drives to school wearing two-tone flats and changes into red high-heals at her locker. Audrey smokes cigarettes in almost plain view and puts them out in an ash-tray in her locker. Audrey loves mystery and stirring up trouble. Audrey wants to foil her father's plans, and does so quite marvelously by making a scene in front of the potential investors, planting fear in their very souls. "They found my friend Laura," she cries. "Lying face down on a rocky beach. Completely naked. She'd been murdered." While all the guys try to be tough, she's tougher than all, and doesn't give a damn.
Audrey Horne, I love you.

But back to Donna and James, who bore me endlessly. Donna is another one who knows straight away that Laura is dead from subtle hints. She sees a police officer inquiring after Laura's boyfriend, sees Laura's empty seat, and then a girl running screaming across the courtyard (wtf..), and knows, straight away. As does James, who breaks a pencil in one hand without thinking about it because remember, he's so tough. And Donna cries. Oh, why was Bobby's name mentioned? Because he's suspected of murder, of course. He saw Laura the night she died. Then, so did James. James loved Laura. "She was the one." But so is Donna, so let's not feel so bad for him.

After much pointless questioning, we discover that another girl is missing. Ronette Pulaski. She comes stumbling out of the woods onto the train tracks, beaten up, barefoot, disoriented.

I will stop this here, because after this, we meet Agent Cooper, which then is the start of something else entirely. Since this episode is so ridiculously long, I think it's best to split it up into two entries.

It begins.

The first and last time I watched Twin Peaks was in the end of 2007, the beginning of 2008. This was not particularly long ago, nearly three years, but it was two houses ago, and therefore two lifetimes ago. I have been wanting to rewatch it for a year and a half of those three years, borrowed the DVDs from my sister six months ago, and yet they've been sitting still on the shelf, untouched. Every time I went to pick them up, I admit, I recoiled.

This recoiling, there are several reasons for it:

1. The pilot. I watched it after hearing wonderful things about the show. Everyone said I simply had to watch it. So I watched the pilot and was completely unimpressed. I then waited a couple months, if memory serves, before watching the rest of the series. I had considered for a while to skip the pilot this time around and just start off with episode two, but I crave completion, and also, there was a chance that, since watching the rest of the show, I would appreciate the episode more. Still, the thought was daunting.
2. Quality. The quality of this show is questionable, to say the least. I love it, love it, but to love it is to accept its great many flaws. The acting can be horrible, some of the side characters are useless 90% of the time, and some of the side-plots, especially James' plot in season two, are a pain to sit through. Also, David Lynch can be... tiresome.
3. Nightmares. Recently I moved away from home and have been living by myself for the first time in.. ever. Slightly pathetic? Sure, I'll take that. When I watch things that frighten me, I behave.. irrationally. Twin Peaks perhaps scared me more than anything short of The Exorcist (which I watched when I was much too young - thank you, Uncle Sean). I couldn't fall asleep until dawn for well over a month, and used my laptop as a nightlight all night, playing music and audiobooks for sweet, sweet distraction. (I also had this reaction to Paranormal Activity, but don't let that convince you that Twin Peaks is anything less than traumatizing.) Needless to say, now that I am living alone, and not in a city where I can escape to the streets of, the thought of watching something that affected me so greatly was.. well. You can imagine. Which brings me to,
   
4. The End. The end of the show hurt. If you've seen it, I'm sure you understand. I still can't tell if it was brilliance or much less than that - if it was a show almost giving up after being cancelled. I'd like to know of Lynch's plans before the show was canned. Maybe he had the same thoughts. But if he had more time, he wouldn't have pulled the proverbial rug out from under our oft spoken of feet. It wouldn't have been so jarring and cruel a goodbye. There would have been more development. The show's final episode left me feeling more depressed than any form of plot-based television ever has. It took some time to recover. I'm not sure if this will happen again.

The time has come. I will put all of those reasons aside and watch this show, one of my absolute favorite shows. I will brave out the bad acting, the nightmares, the downright indecency of it all. And along the way, I will chronicle, YES, chronicle my adventures. Yes. Adventures. Episode by episode, here, entry by entry. The plan is to not watch another episode until I finish an entry. Since I am a huge fan of marathoning shows, this will be the proper incentive to keep on a'writin'. (I often give up on these things.)

So, heeeeeeeere we go.